Have a Laugh

     Last semester was filled with plenty of memorable quotes, and upon reading back through them today, I thought I'd share.  Enjoy.

Science
Professor: A star died for your smartphone.

Student who hasn't seen his friend in a week: We're together, and that's what matters.

Professor: This trilobite died nearly instantly.
Student: Good.

Professor, showing us a picture of an unfolded trilobite: It looks like a psychotic centipede.

Student: It helps them live and keep alive.

Student: I would not want to be the wife of that giraffe...if I was a giraffe.

Professor: Evolution doesn't mean progress.  I saw the 2012 Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and was horrified.  What a fall for Mickey.

Professor: PhD's don't make you immune to foolish decisions.

Religion
Professor: Every roommate needs a pillow to the head unexpectedly at least once.  It keeps things real.

Music & the Humanities
Professor: Most operas are solidly PG-12.

Professor: The 80's got so much better with Weird Al.

Professor: Crosswalks.  Pedestrians have the right of way, just freakin' go.

Professor, after we didn't laugh at a dumb joke: Boy, you guys don't realize I hold account over your grades.

Professor, teaching us about the harpsichord: So prominent in the Baroque period because they didn't have access to banjos.

Professor: Hades gets to hang out with all the most interesting people.

Student: Do I have to take the test?
Professor: No.  You don't have to do anything.

Professor: It sounds like an oboe...being played by a blind person whose hands are tied behind their back and their nose is covered in duct tape and they've been shot in the leg.  In that way, yes, it sounds like an oboe.

*showing us pictures of the Palace of Versailles*
Professor: That's oppressive.

Professor: Present company excluded, I usually have very positive experiences with students.

Professor: If you ever need to sound important, just Latinize your name."

Spanish (the funniest)
FYI, my professor had us call him by his first name, which is Chad.

*a class on another floor starts singing*
Chad: Is that music?  What the flip.  Is that a monk choir?

Chad: You're bored.  You hate me.  I can see hatred in your hearts.

Chad: How do you say that in French?
French Student: *responds in French*
Chad: ...That's what I thought.

Chad: Let's say Gavin has a girlfriend, and she gives him what?
Student: Six.
Chad: I'm sorry, she gives him what?
Student: Six.  The number six.
Chad: See me after class, you have issues.

Chad: This thing sounds like it wants to make noise.

Student: That's a nice tie.
Chad: I've worn it every frickin' day.

Chad, giving an example sentence: "Chad vendió sus carros a su hermana."  [Chad sold his cars to his sister.]
Me, answering: "Chad se lo vendió."  [Chad sold them to her.]
*student raises hand*
Chad: JT, why do you disagree?
Student under his breath: Chad doesn't have multiple cars.

Practice sentence: "Dalton tiene más de un millón de dólares."  [Dalton has more than a million dollars, meaning he has a million dollars, among other things.]
Chad: So what does this mean?
Student: Él puede comprar un Jeep.  [He can buy a Jeep.]
Chad: What the flip kind of answer was that?

*the French class next door starts singing*
Chad: Wait.  Is that a French Christmas song?
Student: ...It's "Jingle Bells."

Student: I'd rather be sad in an expensive car than in a cardboard box.

*student asks if we can deliver our finished finals to Chad's house*
Chad: You can't see my hand in my pocket right now, but I'm giving you a gesture.


     Anyway, I hope that was semi-enjoyable for you.  If not, sorry.  I enjoyed it, so there.
     "So count your blessings every day.  It makes the monsters go away.  And everything will be okay.
     "You are not alone.  You are right at home.  Goodnight."