Do you ever get the craziest urge to write? And then, as you're sitting there, fingers eagerly twitching in anticipation, you can't think of anything you want to write about?
This happens to me all the time.
It's almost like wanting to eat, but not knowing what to eat. Nothing sounds good.
It drives me absolutely nuts.
Like, I want to write. Badly. My fingers sometimes are literally itching because they want to type or write so badly. But nothing. Absolutely nothing. My mind just looks blankly at my fingers, trying to understand why they're doing a weird dance on the keyboard.
It hits me especially strong after 10:30 at night, which is a good time for inspiration for me, but absolutely terrible for writing during the school year, even on the weekends, because I'm rather tired, thus making my brain move rather sluggishly. Not to mention most of my thoughts are completely aimless and random the later it gets, and there's usually nothing worth writing about for longer than two minutes.
I think it's interesting that I work so much better at night. Of course, it makes sense. That's just my personality. However, I struggle doing homework at night, and I think it's partly because night is my time to have fun and think in ways that I enjoy--not my time to think about math or history.
I mean, this is easy to write about. It doesn't require too much thought. It's just something to write that doesn't overwork my tired brain while still giving my fingers that satisfaction of pushing down each key. (Look, I'm trying to give my brain a break, I took the AP U.S. history test today). It's also something that I like to write about, which is writing. And no, I don't think that's paradoxical at all.
I haven't had a really creative idea in a long time. When I get a creative idea--an actual creative idea with a lot of potential--my stomach hurts, or right below it does. Like, real, physical pain. It's so weird. But that's how I know I've come up with a good idea.
It's been a long time since I've felt real pain from an idea. Maybe the occasional tightening, but no pain. It makes me a little bit sad because there was a time in my life when it was a noticeable occurrence. I wouldn't say it was regular, but it was definitely not rare. That must've been two years ago. I didn't even realize how long it's been until I thought about the last really creative idea I've had. Yeah, it was not recent.
Maybe that's a sign. Maybe it's my mind's way of telling me that I've finished preparing myself, and now it's time for me to just go ahead and write. Maybe once I finally empty my head of the previous ideas and put them on paper, there'll be room for more ideas to grow.
Only one way to find out, eh?
As much as I love you all (I'm fully aware that no one reads this, but whatever, I don't care), I will not be publishing my creative writings on my blog. Those will be typed on my other computer--the one downstairs in my room that's technically a laptop but still needs to be plugged into a wall and sounds like a rocket about to launch when I turn it on. I'm pretty sure it's from the 90's at the latest. The Microsoft Word application is so old. But I like it. It's basic--nothing terribly elaborate. Really, there's nothing elaborate.
Wow. This blog has jumped from, like, three different topics. Oh well. I did warn you that my brain doesn't work right after 10:30 at night.
And in case you were wondering, it is currently 11:44pm.
I hope your day is as awesome as you.
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