I'd apologize for my six month absence, but there's no one to apologize to. So here we go.
I graduated from high school a little less than a week ago. I'm sure you're bracing yourself for a sob fest, but I can assure you, your fear is misplaced.
I realize that I've written several extremely emotional (on my part) blogs about how painful it was for me to leave junior high and how I fully expected graduation to have the same--if not worse--effect on me.
I am pleased--and surprised--to report that this is not the case. In fact, I've remained extremely neutral about the whole thing. I daresay I'm almost, almost, happy about it.
I cried at the Pass-the-Buck barbecue, which is basically the initiation of the new seminary council. I cried a lot. I used up the rest of a box of tissues, and then had to be brought another box. I did not expect to cry that much, but oh well, minor issues.
I cried even more at the final choir concert (which I didn't think was possible). Heck, I cried at the practice that morning while rehearsing the Madrigal exchange. I cried during almost every song, and then went home and cried.
I only cried at graduation when the Madrigals and concert choir sang.
And then that's it. I haven't cried since. I haven't even come remotely close. I don't know why, but I am at complete peace with the whole thing. Believe me, it has shocked me beyond shock, and I truly don't know what happened that caused me to change.
I think part of it is has to do with the challenge of leaving junior high. This past year has proven to me repeatedly that you can't grow inside an old shell, and I think it's finally clicked in my stubborn brain. Change is fine. Change is good. It's all right. As much as I want things to be the same, I've seen the benefits of moving forward.
I also partly blame the fact that I went straight from graduation to my summer job, so I haven't really had time to just sit around and mope like I did three years ago.
And maybe it's just because I've been through so much emotional exhaustion this past month that my brain literally can't process this new development because it's worn itself out.
Whatever the answer is, I've learned a valuable lesson that I'd like to share with you all.
You are meant to keep going. You'll never stop. And the more I think about it, why would you want to? We always talk about wanting to freeze time, but what good would that do? Do you really want to stay stuck in one moment, no matter how great that moment is? Part of the beauty of that moment is its lack of permanence.
I've learned so much this year, but I've especially learned a lot about life.
My AP Literature teacher taught me how to love hard things.
My AP Statistics teacher taught me to laugh in any situation.
My Madrigal and choir teacher taught me to find myself and put emotion into what I do.
My Spanish teacher taught me how to appreciate the world as a whole and to enjoy it.
My Italian teacher taught me that life can and will be fun amid the stress.
My seminary teacher taught me how to find joy in the little things.
Of course, I learned so much more than just these, but if I could sum up my senior year in six sentences, that's how I would describe it.
This year was hard. Boy, was it hard. I only really had assignments in two classes, but wow, did those assignments take a lot of time and effort. There were tons of late nights, and a whole lot of stress.
And yet, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this year was the absolute best year of my school experience...including junior high. Senior year left ninth grade in the dust (albeit a very fond dust).
So, I'm off to BYU-Idaho in September to study English, and I'm considering a minor in Spanish or linguistics or something. I definitely want to pursue Spanish, and I'm hoping I can continue with Italian. I just love learning languages. It has captured my heart and soul.
I'll try to be better at posting because, believe it or not, I love having a blog. I just sometimes forget about it.
And besides, it's not like there's anything terribly interesting to say. It's just my muddled thoughts attempting to clear themselves up. But gosh dang it, it is fun to do.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Goodnight."
