Happiness is not the absence of suffering.
For as long as I've known Alida Nesbitt, she's had diet issues. In ninth grade, she tore her meniscus playing basketball and was on crutches for the better part of a year. In eleventh grade, she passed out during a cross country meet and got a pretty bad concussion. Since then, she's dealt with stomach, colon, and kidney issues.
During this, she got accepted to the university she'd wanted to go to for years, but not into any of the four programs she applied for. Without a scholarship, it was highly unlikely she could afford it, so she ended up going to the local community college instead. She hates it.
And yet, she's one of the happiest people I know.
She smiles constantly, makes sure you're doing all right, asks about your life, and cheerfully goes about doing her own thing, whether that be playing an instrument or singing or dancing or just enjoying life.
She suffers, but she's happy.
She has a loving family and supportive friends. She has a boyfriend who loves and respects her. She can play and listen to music. She's smart and funny, and she has great faith and hope for her future.
Happiness is not the absence of heartache.
Jacquie Dimond's best friend and closest confidant, her boyfriend, left to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints less than two weeks after they graduated high school. She often misses him rather terribly.
She moved three and a half hours away to attend college. Over the course of her first semester, she had several other friends leave on missions, had an aunt pass away, and dealt with a lot more stress than she initially anticipated.
However, she continues smiling.
She talks about life as if it's all sunshine. She refuses to dwell too much on the tougher parts of her life and instead chooses to look at the brighter side of everything. She takes care of anyone and everyone she comes in contact with.
She has problems, but she's happy.
She's incredibly proud of her boyfriend and knows that he's doing amazing things. Although she misses her other friends, she's equally proud of them as well. She got to room with one of her closest friends from high school, and she grew close to her other roommates as well. Her family continually keeps in contact, and she knows that she's where she's supposed to be.
Happiness is not an absence of fear.
Diana Kjar has dealt with various mental health issues for a good long while now, but they only recently became rather serious. Between juggling her responsibilities with her sometimes strained family life, it takes a toll on her, and she says it often feels like she's drowning.
She has found coping mechanisms that help her alleviate her stress and loneliness, but what she needs most is total relief, which is something she hasn't figured out how to find quite yet.
Still, she pulls through remarkably well.
Even though her life at home isn't ideal, she knows deep down that she is loved, and that she has loyal friends who will stand by her at any given moment. She always greets people cheerfully and demonstrates incredible faith and hope.
She's struggling, but she's happy.
She knows that there is something greater for her in the future, and she lives each day in the knowledge that one day, even if it's not in this life, this will get better. And so she takes life one step at a time, somehow managing to smile.
Kamerin Ekker has been recently thrown into this whole college thing, and although she's good with it now, it was a bit of a rough transition at the beginning. And yet, she's happy.
Brandon Rico is far away from everyone he has known and loved, speaking a language he didn't grow up speaking, facing trials and difficulties every day. However, he's happy.
Savannah Colledge has suffered a variety of mental and health issues over the past few years, and that coupled with the transition to adulthood has taken its toll. Still, she's happy.
Happiness is not an absence. Happiness doesn't come from deleting roadblocks and brushing away obstacles. Happiness doesn't magically appear when life is less cluttered. Happiness isn't a percentage that decreases when other feelings increase, and vice versa.
Happiness is a presence. Happiness is a conscious choice. Happiness is looking at the approaching storm and smiling because you know the sun still exists. Happiness is laughing at the now because it's more important than whatever's coming.
I'm not saying that every problem you have can be cured just by smiling. Trust me, it does not.
Between eighth and ninth grade, I suddenly became a relatively positive and optimistic person. For some reason, my outlook on life broadened, and I was generally more cheerful than I previously had been.
Starting tenth grade, on the other hand, was extremely difficult, and I daresay I've never felt more lonely and sad than I did for those first few months. I was disheartened and vulnerable, and I constantly yearned for past years.
However, I'd wake up every morning and plaster on a smile, knowing that that was what was expected of me. But deep inside me, I couldn't help but believe that there really would be a brighter day.
Then, steadily, it came. Hard days still abound, but I've found peace, and I am completely content.
So, no, smiling in and of itself doesn't fix anything. But you're not meant to be a dark, lonely wanderer without a sense of purpose. And somewhere inside of the wonderful being that is you, you know that, and you unconsciously seek to demonstrate exactly who you are.
And that's how you find happiness.
Happiness is a presence, not an absence.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Goodnight."
Saturday, December 22, 2018
Thursday, September 20, 2018
The Usual Thursday
September 20, 2018
Today, I had my Eternal Family class, my science class, and my Spanish class. In between my first two classes, I studied Italian. Since they don't teach it here, I've taken it upon myself to continue learning.
It was a relatively uneventful day. Heidi, Jacquie, and I talked for quite awhile, which was a lot of fun. While Jacquie and I were doing homework in our room, we heard a guy say, "Oh, marinara!" (as if he was cursing) outside our window. We laughed for a solid five minutes about it, and since I couldn't see anyone, we decided it was Freddie the Spaghetti Ghost, who died years ago from eating marinara sauce that was so spicy, it stopped his heart.
I am reminded daily of how blessed I am to be up here and to have all of these amazing, fantastic experiences that continually prove to me that this is most definitely where I am meant to be. I'm sure you're sick of hearing it, but I don't, so get over it.
I've always been rather fond of Thursdays.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Today, I had my Eternal Family class, my science class, and my Spanish class. In between my first two classes, I studied Italian. Since they don't teach it here, I've taken it upon myself to continue learning.
It was a relatively uneventful day. Heidi, Jacquie, and I talked for quite awhile, which was a lot of fun. While Jacquie and I were doing homework in our room, we heard a guy say, "Oh, marinara!" (as if he was cursing) outside our window. We laughed for a solid five minutes about it, and since I couldn't see anyone, we decided it was Freddie the Spaghetti Ghost, who died years ago from eating marinara sauce that was so spicy, it stopped his heart.
I am reminded daily of how blessed I am to be up here and to have all of these amazing, fantastic experiences that continually prove to me that this is most definitely where I am meant to be. I'm sure you're sick of hearing it, but I don't, so get over it.
I've always been rather fond of Thursdays.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
A Real Sort of Magic
September 19, 2018
Since I didn't have a class until 2:00, I slept in for a bit, showered, got ready for the day, and did some homework. I left for campus at about 1:00.
As I walked, I thought about how comfortable I already feel up here. It's been less than a week, and I already love it here. That has never happened. It usually takes me a good long while to get used to something new, but I feel totally and completely at home.
Then, as I was passing the Manwaring Center on my way to the Snow Building, I ran into none other than President Eyring (the university president, not the General Authority). He shook my hand and asked me my name, where I'm from, what high school I went to, and how long I've been at BYU-Idaho. After telling him that I love it here, he told me that even though the weather won't hold up, he hoped that I'd still feel that way.
What an appropriate analogy for life.
It was most definitely the highlight of my day, and for the next couple hours, I couldn't believe that it had actually happened.
I had Music & the Humanities and Spanish this afternoon, and then came back to the apartment. We had a student living meeting tonight, but other than that, it was mostly just filled with homework. The load is manageable as long as I stay on task.
There is something truly special about this place, and I'm already looking forward to my future semesters.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Since I didn't have a class until 2:00, I slept in for a bit, showered, got ready for the day, and did some homework. I left for campus at about 1:00.
As I walked, I thought about how comfortable I already feel up here. It's been less than a week, and I already love it here. That has never happened. It usually takes me a good long while to get used to something new, but I feel totally and completely at home.
Then, as I was passing the Manwaring Center on my way to the Snow Building, I ran into none other than President Eyring (the university president, not the General Authority). He shook my hand and asked me my name, where I'm from, what high school I went to, and how long I've been at BYU-Idaho. After telling him that I love it here, he told me that even though the weather won't hold up, he hoped that I'd still feel that way.
What an appropriate analogy for life.
It was most definitely the highlight of my day, and for the next couple hours, I couldn't believe that it had actually happened.
I had Music & the Humanities and Spanish this afternoon, and then came back to the apartment. We had a student living meeting tonight, but other than that, it was mostly just filled with homework. The load is manageable as long as I stay on task.
There is something truly special about this place, and I'm already looking forward to my future semesters.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
Éxito y Tranquilidad
September 17, 2018
My first day of college. This is a big day. Jacquie had a class at 9:00, so she woke up at 7:00 to start getting ready. I, however, didn't have a class until 2:00, so I stayed in bed for a while longer. I showered and did my laundry, and then at about 11:30, I left for the campus.
You know, I think this is the most beautiful place I've ever been in my life.
I sat in the Ricks Gardens for a good long while, soaking in the shade (you didn't actually think I was going to say sunshine) and breathing in the wonderful atmosphere that I've never felt anywhere else I've been.
I then walked over to the Snow Building and found where my class would be (there was still about an hour and a half to go), and then as I was heading to the Smith Building to do the same thing, I saw Jacquie sitting and eating her lunch. I joined her and we talked for a bit, and then went back to the Snow Building so Jacquie could find her class. We then walked over to Smith together and found our individual classes. I'm glad we did because that building makes no sense whatsoever.
By that time, it was almost 2:00, so we walked back over to Snow and I went and sat outside my classroom (Music & the Humanities). A girl named Brooke came up and asked if she could sit next to me, which I agreed to, and we talked for a bit, until a brave student went up and tested the door, discovering it to be unlocked. We went inside, and I sat next to Brooke. Our professor, Dr. Klein, was a couple minutes late, but he got right into the lesson.
Mostly, we discussed the differences between a piece by Mozart and AC-DC, talking about what makes them different in how they make us feel and why they do. It was really interesting to hear everybody's comments.
After class, I waited for Jacquie and we walked over to the Smith Building together, where I had Spanish. I can't tell you how excited I was to be in a Spanish class again.
Besides Chad talking about the class and some of his expectations, we mostly just did some conversation practice with an assigned partner. Mine was Gavin, who's from Layton, Utah. He served a mission in Forth Worth, Texas, the last half of which ended up being Spanish-speaking.
Jacquie and I met up after class again and walked over to the Manwaring Center to figure out our textbook situation. Since I'd switched out of the beginning Spanish class and Jacquie had switched into it, we wanted to see if she could just keep my textbook instead of me having to return it and her having to rent it. I also had to return my French textbook. They gave Jacquie permission to use my textbook, as long as I'm the one who returns it at the end of the semester, and I returned my French textbook and received a full refund.
We then headed over to the Kimball Building, where Joseph (our student mentor) had told us our I-Cards would be if we hadn't gotten them over the weekend. I mentioned to Jacquie that, considering our luck, the I-Cards were still at the Manwaring Center.
Turns out I was right.
So we headed back over and found the I-Cards, finally getting them after days of attempting it, and then we went back to the apartment. Jacquie changed into her exercise clothes and went back to campus to go running. She came back with an amusing tale of a twenty-seven-year-old RM running and flirting with her.
It felt wonderful to be back to school again, but what felt even better was just the wonderful spirit on campus. I cannot even fully express how much I love it up here. The hills majorly suck and will either be the death of me or give me calves of steel, and campus is still pretty confusing, but man. I love this place.
September 18, 2018
My first class was at 7:45. In the morning. Good thing it was my religion class (The Eternal Family). I woke up around 6:30, showered, got ready, and left. I found the classroom fairly quickly. We just discussed how the class works and what we can expect homework-wise and such. I already absolutely love it, though. My professor is amazing, I can already tell.
I then had an hour and a half break. Since I was in the Clark Building and my next class was in the Romney (the two are right across from each other), I didn't really want to leave the area, so I just went over the Romney, found a place to sit, and started working on a little bit of the homework for The Eternal Family. I then went and found my science classroom.
I didn't take science at all last year, and I'm basically useless when it comes to it anyway, so this was the class I was probably least looking forward to. However, I felt pretty okay about it as I sat there and listened to the teacher talk about the syllabus. I don't know, I just felt a deep reassurance that this class was not going to be as bad as I thought. The only person I talked to was Joann from Washington, and that was because we had to talk to the people sitting around us.
After that, I went back to the apartment and had lunch and a bag of popcorn. At about 1:15, I changed into Sunday dress, and then left for the devotional with President and Sister Eyring. I really enjoyed it, and I thought both of their messages were fantastic.
Afterwards, I went straight to Spanish, which was in a different classroom than yesterday (we have too many kids to really fit in the other one). We did some more conversation practice and went deeper into the syllabus and expectations and what have you of the class as well. Gavin was extra friendly once more, and I became acquainted with Ethan and Logan too, who also were rather friendly.
Then, I went back to the apartment and got started on homework. Since today is Lis's birthday, Heidi made a cake and we all sang to her. Homework took quite a bit (and I still haven't finished), but part of that was me getting distracted constantly. Minor issues. Good thing I don't have class until 2:00 tomorrow, right?
I still absolutely adore it up here. It's almost a truly magical feeling. It is totally unreal to think that I could feel this calm and collected -- and actually excited -- to be up here in such a new situation. That is so unlike me, there's no other explanation than this is really where I am meant to be.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Sunday, September 16, 2018
One Day More!
September 16, 2018
Today, Jacquie and I woke up at 8:00, ate breakfast, and then listened to "His Spirit to Be With You" by Henry B. Eyring from this last General Conference, since that's what our lesson in Relief Society was going to be. We all got ready, and then the six of us left to meet with the bishopric at the "church" (we meet in the Hinckley Building).
We had our records transferred into the ward, got donuts and talked to the bishopric's wives, and then individually met with the bishopric: Bishop Good and his counselors, Brother Twede and Brother Grow.
We went back to the apartment and just did our own things for awhile, and then we walked back over to the Hinckley Building for church. Sacrament started at 1:30. It was my first time in a YSA Ward, which wasn't as weird as I thought it was going to be. The speakers gave talks on love, service, and ministering, which I think are really good topics to start out the semester (or so I assume).
We had Sunday School and Relief Society, and I rather liked both of them. I met Abi and Friksha during that time.
Afterwards, Jacquie and I Skyped with our dear friend Alida for about twenty minutes, and then we walked around campus just enough to find the buildings where our classes are tomorrow. We're slowly and surely getting more and more familiar with the campus, so there's hope for us yet.
We went back to the apartment and put one of my freezer meals (taco-stuffed pasta shells) to use for the first time. It was a success.
At about 7:00, Ray told us that some of her friends were getting together in about an hour to play card games and asked if we wanted to join. We agreed.
I video-chatted with my family for twenty minutes, and it was really nice to see them again and hear their voices. It definitely made me feel better.
At about 8:00, we went down to the lounge area to meet with Ray's friends. We met Savannah, Alicia, Neti, and Besmir (I probably spelled those wrong, but oh well). Neti and Besmir are from Albania, so that was pretty cool.
And now, here we are, steeling ourselves for what tomorrow will bring. I'm a little nervous, but I'm more excited than anything. I'm so ready to be back in school and actually doing something and moving forward with life.
And besides, I like Mondays.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Today, Jacquie and I woke up at 8:00, ate breakfast, and then listened to "His Spirit to Be With You" by Henry B. Eyring from this last General Conference, since that's what our lesson in Relief Society was going to be. We all got ready, and then the six of us left to meet with the bishopric at the "church" (we meet in the Hinckley Building).
We had our records transferred into the ward, got donuts and talked to the bishopric's wives, and then individually met with the bishopric: Bishop Good and his counselors, Brother Twede and Brother Grow.
We went back to the apartment and just did our own things for awhile, and then we walked back over to the Hinckley Building for church. Sacrament started at 1:30. It was my first time in a YSA Ward, which wasn't as weird as I thought it was going to be. The speakers gave talks on love, service, and ministering, which I think are really good topics to start out the semester (or so I assume).
We had Sunday School and Relief Society, and I rather liked both of them. I met Abi and Friksha during that time.
Afterwards, Jacquie and I Skyped with our dear friend Alida for about twenty minutes, and then we walked around campus just enough to find the buildings where our classes are tomorrow. We're slowly and surely getting more and more familiar with the campus, so there's hope for us yet.
We went back to the apartment and put one of my freezer meals (taco-stuffed pasta shells) to use for the first time. It was a success.
At about 7:00, Ray told us that some of her friends were getting together in about an hour to play card games and asked if we wanted to join. We agreed.
I video-chatted with my family for twenty minutes, and it was really nice to see them again and hear their voices. It definitely made me feel better.
At about 8:00, we went down to the lounge area to meet with Ray's friends. We met Savannah, Alicia, Neti, and Besmir (I probably spelled those wrong, but oh well). Neti and Besmir are from Albania, so that was pretty cool.
And now, here we are, steeling ourselves for what tomorrow will bring. I'm a little nervous, but I'm more excited than anything. I'm so ready to be back in school and actually doing something and moving forward with life.
And besides, I like Mondays.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Smaller Steps, More Peace
September 15, 2018
Today, Jacquie and I woke up at 7:00 to get ready by 7:45 so that we could go get our I-Cards and textbooks before 10:00, which was when our next Get Connected thing was. Jacquie also had a question about a scholarship, so we got an early start just to make sure.
After a lot of wandering around, we finally found the Kimball Building, where Jacquie got her scholarship more or less figured out. Then, we went to the Manwaring Center and actually found the Textbook Express pretty quickly. However, we were informed that neither they nor the I-Card place opened until 10:00, contrary to what our schedule said. But, they said they were open until 5:00, so it was all good.
So, we went back to the apartment and just chilled until we left to go meet up with our I-Team. We walked over to the Hart Gym for the Living and Learning presentation, and then we went on a rather quick tour of the campus. Then, we went to the I-Center gym for lunch, and let me tell you, I've never been so happy to eat a turkey sandwich in my entire life.
After that, we played a couple more getting-to-know-you games, during which I became better acquainted with Winter, and then we went back to the Hart Gym for The Spirit of Ricks presentation, which I absolutely loved.
We then had about half an hour to walk around to the various extracurricular activities that had little booths set up in the I-Center gym. The one that struck me the most was the Student Mentor group. We then met back up as a group and headed to the Austin Building, where we had a little Mentor Connections thing. We asked Joseph and Rachel questions about the track system and scholarships and stuff, and then they told us about being mentors and why they came to BYU-Idaho.
Then, we were free for the rest of the evening. Jacquie, Karyssa, and I went to get our I-Cards and textbooks (accompanied by a girl named Aubrey), and it turns out that the I-Card place was not open until 5, and in fact had closed at 4. So, slightly annoyed but more amused, we just got our textbooks.
Tonight was I-Night, but Jacquie and I just weren't feeling well enough (we're both getting over colds), so we stayed in. We got to really talk to Ray, and we met Lis for the first time.
I then had to do some major schedule switching...but minor issues.
We spent a lot of the day with Laura and Karyssa again, but we hardly saw Elle at all. I got to get to know Winter and Ray better though, so it all works out.
The most amusing event of the evening...
Jacquie and I were in our room when we heard someone knock on the door. Since Heidi was in the shower, Ray was on the phone in her room, and we weren't sure if Erica or Lis had come back, we went to answer it. We figured it was either Erica or Lis and were wondering why they hadn't just come in (the door was unlocked), but much to our surprise, we opened the door to find a pizza man standing at the doorway. "Pizza," he announced.
So there we were. I was in Mickey Mouse pajamas. Jacquie had her concert choir T-shirt and shorts, plus her retainer. Both of us had recently showered, so our hair was wet. And for a couple seconds, we just stared at him in total shock. I cannot imagine how ridiculous we looked.
Seeming to lose a bit of confidence, he said that it was for Ray, so we quickly dashed over to get her, totally leaving him on the doorstep.
We found it entertaining, at least.
I also couldn't figure out the shower for the life of me, so I was scalded. Minor issues.
Basically, it was a really good day. I'm sick of walking up hills, though.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
Today, Jacquie and I woke up at 7:00 to get ready by 7:45 so that we could go get our I-Cards and textbooks before 10:00, which was when our next Get Connected thing was. Jacquie also had a question about a scholarship, so we got an early start just to make sure.
After a lot of wandering around, we finally found the Kimball Building, where Jacquie got her scholarship more or less figured out. Then, we went to the Manwaring Center and actually found the Textbook Express pretty quickly. However, we were informed that neither they nor the I-Card place opened until 10:00, contrary to what our schedule said. But, they said they were open until 5:00, so it was all good.
So, we went back to the apartment and just chilled until we left to go meet up with our I-Team. We walked over to the Hart Gym for the Living and Learning presentation, and then we went on a rather quick tour of the campus. Then, we went to the I-Center gym for lunch, and let me tell you, I've never been so happy to eat a turkey sandwich in my entire life.
After that, we played a couple more getting-to-know-you games, during which I became better acquainted with Winter, and then we went back to the Hart Gym for The Spirit of Ricks presentation, which I absolutely loved.
We then had about half an hour to walk around to the various extracurricular activities that had little booths set up in the I-Center gym. The one that struck me the most was the Student Mentor group. We then met back up as a group and headed to the Austin Building, where we had a little Mentor Connections thing. We asked Joseph and Rachel questions about the track system and scholarships and stuff, and then they told us about being mentors and why they came to BYU-Idaho.
Then, we were free for the rest of the evening. Jacquie, Karyssa, and I went to get our I-Cards and textbooks (accompanied by a girl named Aubrey), and it turns out that the I-Card place was not open until 5, and in fact had closed at 4. So, slightly annoyed but more amused, we just got our textbooks.
Tonight was I-Night, but Jacquie and I just weren't feeling well enough (we're both getting over colds), so we stayed in. We got to really talk to Ray, and we met Lis for the first time.
I then had to do some major schedule switching...but minor issues.
We spent a lot of the day with Laura and Karyssa again, but we hardly saw Elle at all. I got to get to know Winter and Ray better though, so it all works out.
The most amusing event of the evening...
Jacquie and I were in our room when we heard someone knock on the door. Since Heidi was in the shower, Ray was on the phone in her room, and we weren't sure if Erica or Lis had come back, we went to answer it. We figured it was either Erica or Lis and were wondering why they hadn't just come in (the door was unlocked), but much to our surprise, we opened the door to find a pizza man standing at the doorway. "Pizza," he announced.
So there we were. I was in Mickey Mouse pajamas. Jacquie had her concert choir T-shirt and shorts, plus her retainer. Both of us had recently showered, so our hair was wet. And for a couple seconds, we just stared at him in total shock. I cannot imagine how ridiculous we looked.
Seeming to lose a bit of confidence, he said that it was for Ray, so we quickly dashed over to get her, totally leaving him on the doorstep.
We found it entertaining, at least.
I also couldn't figure out the shower for the life of me, so I was scalded. Minor issues.
Basically, it was a really good day. I'm sick of walking up hills, though.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Good night."
The Biggest Step I've Ever Taken
September 14, 2018
Today was my -2nd day of college. Since we didn't have classes or anything, I feel wrong for calling it the first day, so we're going with the negative-second day.
At first, I was pretty okay. Before dropping them off at a neighbor's house, my two youngest sisters sang "Remember Me," which makes me emotional on the best days, but I managed to hold it together. On the way up, my other sister (who came with my parents and me) gave me a sketch she'd done of Héctor from Coco. (Are you sensing a trend?) We checked in, moved in all my stuff, helped Jacquie's parents with their car problems, met a couple of my roommates, and then had Jack-in-the-Box for lunch.
Then, since the new students were going off with their mentors, we decided that they would go to Walmart to get the stuff I'd forgotten, and then just drop it off in my room before leaving. So, I said goodbye to my parents and my dear Pinky. And things weren't quite so fine.
Thankfully, though, we went with our mentors (Joseph and Rachel) to the football field to play some getting-to-know-you games. I actually rather enjoyed myself. We then went to listen to President Eyring's welcome message. The mayor spoke first, and then Sister Eyring, and then President Eyring. The mayor informed us that Rexburg is ranked the safest city in America, which was a relief I didn't know I needed. With all of their talks, I felt deeper affirmation that this is where I'm supposed to be.
Then, we were supposed to go to our academic advising things, where the deans of each college would give a little presentation. Since I'm majoring in English, I should have gone to the College of Language and Letters presentation in the Smith building. However, I got lost very quickly and easily, and decided to just join with the first group I saw, which happened to be the General Studies group, where Jacquie was. (P.S. It's really not that big of a deal which one you go to, so don't fret.)
After the presentation, we went back to the apartment, and since I didn't have anything to distract me, I cried in the bathroom for about ten minutes. Minor issues. Then, I distracted myself by emailing a couple teachers I've particularly missed, and then went out to the living room to read Crime and Punishment. I ended up talking to Heidi more than reading, but again, minor issues.
After a while, Jacquie and I met up with our iTeam again to go do the service project. We made hygiene kits for the homeless, and then helped make plarn for beds for them. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and up to this point, it was probably the most fun I'd had so far. Jacquie and I stayed with Elle and Karyssa, and we quickly bonded.
Once we finished that up, we went over to the Hart Gym for the New Student Talent Show. Wowzers is all I can say. There was so much talent, but what's more, I felt myself relaxing with each performance. The first kid sang and played the piano and harmonica for "Piano Man," and then there was a group who danced to "The Greatest Show" (which was kind of the theme for the whole thing). There was a nationally-ranked baton twirler, a girl who sang "Audition (The Fools Who Dream)," a girl who sang "Taylor the Latte Boy" (which I thoroughly enjoyed, by the way), a girl who hip-clogged (I think that's what they called it), a guy who sang "My Way" by Frank Sinatra (and sounded almost exactly like him), a guy who sang a song about being ready (at the chorus, some kid shouted "I'm ready!" and I thought I was going to die), a girl who's apparently "the white Whitney Houston" and who sang at Obama's Christmas party and was on America's Got Talent or something crazy like that, a girl who sang "Skinny Love" (which I actually rather liked), Spider-Man dancing, a viral beatboxer/dubstep person, a girl who sang and played the ukulele to an original song, and a girl who delivered a beautiful poem about fake pockets.
Also, at one point, someone up in the stands (Joseph and Rachel got us seats on the floor) tossed a whole bunch of Glo-Sticks down towards us, and I can assure you that there are few things in this world as terrifying as seeing an army of Glo-Sticks falling from the sky. I don't know why, but it is.
My roommates are Heidi, Erika, Rae, Lis, and the one and only Jacquie. I've befriended Laura, Elle, and Karyssa--and I met a girl named Winter (which is a name I truly love).
Now, I don't know about you, but I am most definitely ready to sleep.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Goodnight."
Today was my -2nd day of college. Since we didn't have classes or anything, I feel wrong for calling it the first day, so we're going with the negative-second day.
At first, I was pretty okay. Before dropping them off at a neighbor's house, my two youngest sisters sang "Remember Me," which makes me emotional on the best days, but I managed to hold it together. On the way up, my other sister (who came with my parents and me) gave me a sketch she'd done of Héctor from Coco. (Are you sensing a trend?) We checked in, moved in all my stuff, helped Jacquie's parents with their car problems, met a couple of my roommates, and then had Jack-in-the-Box for lunch.
Then, since the new students were going off with their mentors, we decided that they would go to Walmart to get the stuff I'd forgotten, and then just drop it off in my room before leaving. So, I said goodbye to my parents and my dear Pinky. And things weren't quite so fine.
Thankfully, though, we went with our mentors (Joseph and Rachel) to the football field to play some getting-to-know-you games. I actually rather enjoyed myself. We then went to listen to President Eyring's welcome message. The mayor spoke first, and then Sister Eyring, and then President Eyring. The mayor informed us that Rexburg is ranked the safest city in America, which was a relief I didn't know I needed. With all of their talks, I felt deeper affirmation that this is where I'm supposed to be.
Then, we were supposed to go to our academic advising things, where the deans of each college would give a little presentation. Since I'm majoring in English, I should have gone to the College of Language and Letters presentation in the Smith building. However, I got lost very quickly and easily, and decided to just join with the first group I saw, which happened to be the General Studies group, where Jacquie was. (P.S. It's really not that big of a deal which one you go to, so don't fret.)
After the presentation, we went back to the apartment, and since I didn't have anything to distract me, I cried in the bathroom for about ten minutes. Minor issues. Then, I distracted myself by emailing a couple teachers I've particularly missed, and then went out to the living room to read Crime and Punishment. I ended up talking to Heidi more than reading, but again, minor issues.
After a while, Jacquie and I met up with our iTeam again to go do the service project. We made hygiene kits for the homeless, and then helped make plarn for beds for them. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and up to this point, it was probably the most fun I'd had so far. Jacquie and I stayed with Elle and Karyssa, and we quickly bonded.
Once we finished that up, we went over to the Hart Gym for the New Student Talent Show. Wowzers is all I can say. There was so much talent, but what's more, I felt myself relaxing with each performance. The first kid sang and played the piano and harmonica for "Piano Man," and then there was a group who danced to "The Greatest Show" (which was kind of the theme for the whole thing). There was a nationally-ranked baton twirler, a girl who sang "Audition (The Fools Who Dream)," a girl who sang "Taylor the Latte Boy" (which I thoroughly enjoyed, by the way), a girl who hip-clogged (I think that's what they called it), a guy who sang "My Way" by Frank Sinatra (and sounded almost exactly like him), a guy who sang a song about being ready (at the chorus, some kid shouted "I'm ready!" and I thought I was going to die), a girl who's apparently "the white Whitney Houston" and who sang at Obama's Christmas party and was on America's Got Talent or something crazy like that, a girl who sang "Skinny Love" (which I actually rather liked), Spider-Man dancing, a viral beatboxer/dubstep person, a girl who sang and played the ukulele to an original song, and a girl who delivered a beautiful poem about fake pockets.
Also, at one point, someone up in the stands (Joseph and Rachel got us seats on the floor) tossed a whole bunch of Glo-Sticks down towards us, and I can assure you that there are few things in this world as terrifying as seeing an army of Glo-Sticks falling from the sky. I don't know why, but it is.
My roommates are Heidi, Erika, Rae, Lis, and the one and only Jacquie. I've befriended Laura, Elle, and Karyssa--and I met a girl named Winter (which is a name I truly love).
Now, I don't know about you, but I am most definitely ready to sleep.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Goodnight."
Wednesday, September 5, 2018
More Truths About Books
I'm sure some of you may recall the sodium-saturated post I wrote last year about the various books we'd read in my AP English class. Although I feel kind of bad about it now, I can't bear to delete it--that's some of my best (and funniest) writing.
Tonight, we investigate the books I read in my AP Literature class. I can assure you, it will not be as salty.
The first book we read was Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. Wowzers, what a novel. A Brahmin's son gets sick of his good fortune and runs off to find out the true meaning of life. After narrowly avoiding giving into physical desire when he encounters a beautiful woman, he tosses himself at a beautiful woman and spends quite a bit of his life living in greed and lust. But then, he figures himself out and turns his whole life around after finally finding the answer he's been looking for.
I was unimpressed with the title character. I thought he was a bit of an imbecile, and he was fairly useless in any and every situation. My absolute favorite character was Govinda: the loyal friend who always did what he believed was right, even when it went against what his role model, Siddhartha, was doing.
However, I thought the imagery was stunning. There were some very beautiful descriptions throughout the entire book, a couple that very nearly took my breath away. I liked the message, more or less. Out of the seven books I read this year, this ranks as number five.
Next, we read Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Be still, my heart. I had my hesitations when it came to this novel. I didn't think I'd like it very much, and as I read it, it seemed like every other novel I've ever read for school.
But I found myself talking about it with the utmost fondness during our group discussions in class, and even though I often stayed up far too late to finish reading a section, there was never a moment that I despised the book. My annotations grew increasingly more intense, intimate, and emotional. I found myself nearly weeping at the thought that Raskolnikov's punishment might be death. I very nearly prayed for Razumikhin and Dunya to marry. Nearly everything Sonya did pierced my heart, and her interactions with Raskolnikov melted my heart. I felt a deep and tender affection for one of the quotes, and to this day, it brings a special sort of peace to my mind. It truly almost made me cry.
I was so invested in this story, and I admitted early on that I'd developed an attachment to it. But it wasn't until I'd finished it and we started reading something else that I realized what a hole in my heart it had filled. I don't know why or how, but that book spoke to my soul. I'm even rereading it, and I've only done that once before with a school book.
Definitely my favorite book of the year, and my favorite book of my entire school experience.
Next was The Piano Lesson by August Wilson, which is actually a play. For this one, we were split into groups and had to choose a book to read. This was the one my group chose. It sounded intriguing, but even better, it was pretty short.
Basically, it's an African-American brother and sister arguing about whether or not they should sell their family piano: the brother claims that no one plays it, and it would be put to better use being sold so that he can have enough money to buy the land their family worked on as slaves while the sister adamantly refuses, saying that it's their family heritage.
And that's it.
None of us liked it. All four of us were bored and bothered by it before we were even halfway done. All of us hated Boy Willie with a burning passion, and we all had very mixed emotions about Berniece. Doaker was fine, Lyman was okay, and Avery was more or less likable. It was just so boring, and it was the exact same thing over and over again. I don't think Boy Willie and Berniece had a single conversation that wasn't about the piano.
Oh yeah, and then there's a ghost for some weird reason. Sutter, who used to own the land that Boy Willie's trying to buy, is haunting the house, and even though he's explicitly mentioned in the cue notes, literally no one ever notices him, except for maybe three times.
And then Boy Willie challenges him as if that's going to work out in his favor, Avery gives up trying to cleanse the house out of nowhere, and Berniece has a sudden flash of inspiration to play the piano to get the ghost to leave. It works, and then Boy Willie basically says, "You know what, you keep that piano, Berniece," and leaves. And that's literally the end of the play.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
Needless to say, this was number seven out of seven for this year's books, and it ranks down there with The Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye.
Next was Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, which was absolutely nothing like I was expecting it to be. I knew that Frankenstein was the scientist and not the monster, but I thought pop culture had gotten everything else mostly accurate.
Turns out, it's so different, it's like whoever created the pop culture monster just gathered a bunch of fragments and experimented with them until they made a whole new creature.
I crack myself up.
I know that I really shouldn't, because he's a bit of an idiot, but I actually rather liked Frankenstein. He made a lot of stupid decisions that I couldn't get behind, but as a person, there was just something that drew me to him.
I wanted to feel bad for the monster, but his logic was a little bit skewed sometimes, so I ended up being horrified more than sympathetic.
I can't tell you how surprised I was when the monster talked for the first time. He was so eloquent, it blew my mind. And when Frankenstein first brings him to life, I admit I found it a little funny that the triumphant "It's alive!" usually displayed in films was based on an extremely terrified "It's alive!" in the book.
Fam, that was literally your goal.
The imagery was stunning, and the diction throughout the whole novel was just astounding to read, especially considering how young Shelley was when she wrote it. It's truly incredible--number three out of seven.
The next one was Hamlet by none other than William Shakespeare, and it is by far my favorite of his.
Let me explain.
I've read one Shakespearean play every year since ninth grade: Romeo and Juliet in ninth grade, Macbeth in tenth, and The Tempest in eleventh.
Romeo and Juliet was fine. I didn't love it like some people do, but I also didn't despite it as many others do. Maybe it was just the way my teacher read it, but I found it amusingly ridiculous--I didn't think Shakespeare meant this to be a serious play at all (and to this day, I still kind of believe it). But, as romance tends to do, it wore me out quickly. I didn't really like Romeo, and although Juliet had some pleasant moments, she was obviously severely lacking in common sense. I loved Mercutio, but considering he only exists for about ten seconds, it wasn't enough to hold my heart. In short, it was sickeningly romantic, stress-inducing, and superfluous.
I actually really loved Macbeth. I thought it was so fascinating, and it was rather exciting to be reading something that's supposedly cursed (I know, I'm fully aware I'm sick and twisted). However, it's a very dark play, and even I have some boundaries. I loved it, and up until my senior year, it was my favorite Shakespeare play, but there's just something about it that, deep down, really unsettles me. And besides, Banquo died, which I was not happy about. I almost rioted.
And then The Tempest. If you want to know how I felt about that one, you can go back to last year's book analysis. However, I've made an astonishing discovery since then.
One of the school plays last year was The Tempest, and since it was being performed right around the time we were finishing it up, we were assigned to go see it. I went, and was a little confused. There were several important characters missing, which took out some key plot points. As a whole, the story was the same, but there were enough differences that I wondered why the director had taken so many creative liberties.
I didn't really think anything of it until around the time we were starting second semester of senior year, and I was trying to remember one of the character's names. It was driving me batty, so I looked it up. Nothing. This character apparently did not exist. So, I tried their love interest. Again, nothing.
Shocked, I looked up a plot summary of The Tempest, because I knew I had read about these people. To my bewilderment, the synopsis was basically exactly what the performance had been, and was rather different from the one I had read.
I did a little investigating, and then came to find out that I had not read The Tempest by William Shakespeare. Apparently, a couple guys had rewritten it and added in a few characters and plot points and such, and this had been the one I had unfortunately come upon. It was mostly Shakespeare, but they'd added their own things. My mind exploded.
So, Hamlet had romance, but didn't suffocate me with it; it was just dark enough to be delightful but not dark enough to disturb me; and it was actually Shakespeare. It was the perfect blend, and it stuck with me. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and I actually really liked discussing it as well. I even liked the main character, which hasn't happened in any Shakespeare (or off-brand Shakespeare) I've read.
This was by far my second favorite of the year.
Then, we picked another book as a group, and this time, we chose The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.
It hurt.
To be totally honest, I didn't finish it. We read it during the point of the school year where I procrastinated like crazy, and I barely read half.
But what I did read messed with my emotions far too much for me to be happy about it.
It was everything I hate about a novel, and yet, my heart grew so attached to it in such a short amount of time. Even thinking about it now almost makes my chest constrict.
I don't know if it's because it's a contemporary novel or if the author's a black magician or something, but I should not have liked it as much as I did. I had a hard time with Amir most of the time, but for some reason, I can confidently say he's one of my favorite characters. Hassan won me over in less than a paragraph. Assef earned my eternal hatred in the same amount of time.
One day, I'm going to finish it. It may be fourth on the list, but man oh man...that book.
Finally, we read Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. If you've been paying attention, you'll recognize him as the author of that confounded Secret Sharer novel from junior year. Thankfully, he redeemed himself from that atrocity masquerading as literature.
It was so stinking difficult to get through, and I can't say that I understood very much of it. As I told my group, I tune out a bit when books get really descriptive. However, since the whole book is like that, I basically tuned out the entire thing, which presented a few problems, but minor issues.
And yet again, there was something within me--pretty deep within me, but still there--that felt a strange attachment to it. I can't even explain it, but there's something about it that I really rather liked. I couldn't tell you what it was, but I know that it's there.
That didn't keep it from sixth place, however.
So, as you can tell, this year's novels were much more successful than last year's, for the most part. Maybe I just had a better attitude, but part of me suspects that the curriculum for AP Literature is much more interesting and applicable than the one for AP English Language.
To sign off for today, I leave you with the quote from Crime and Punishment that nearly reduced me to tears.
"I know you don't believe it--but don't try to be too clever, either; surrender yourself directly to life, without circumspection; don't worry--it will carry you straight to the shore and put you on your feet. What shore? How should I know? I simply believe that you still have a lot of living to do yet...Be of great heart, and fear less. Are you afraid of the great discharge of duty that lies ahead of you? No, at the point you have reached, such fear is shameful. Since you have taken such a step, you must stand firm. You have reached the moment of justice. So discharge the duty that justice requires of you. I know you don't believe it, but I promise you, life will carry you through. You'll even get to like each other afterwards."
Tonight, we investigate the books I read in my AP Literature class. I can assure you, it will not be as salty.
The first book we read was Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. Wowzers, what a novel. A Brahmin's son gets sick of his good fortune and runs off to find out the true meaning of life. After narrowly avoiding giving into physical desire when he encounters a beautiful woman, he tosses himself at a beautiful woman and spends quite a bit of his life living in greed and lust. But then, he figures himself out and turns his whole life around after finally finding the answer he's been looking for.
I was unimpressed with the title character. I thought he was a bit of an imbecile, and he was fairly useless in any and every situation. My absolute favorite character was Govinda: the loyal friend who always did what he believed was right, even when it went against what his role model, Siddhartha, was doing.
However, I thought the imagery was stunning. There were some very beautiful descriptions throughout the entire book, a couple that very nearly took my breath away. I liked the message, more or less. Out of the seven books I read this year, this ranks as number five.
Next, we read Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Be still, my heart. I had my hesitations when it came to this novel. I didn't think I'd like it very much, and as I read it, it seemed like every other novel I've ever read for school.
But I found myself talking about it with the utmost fondness during our group discussions in class, and even though I often stayed up far too late to finish reading a section, there was never a moment that I despised the book. My annotations grew increasingly more intense, intimate, and emotional. I found myself nearly weeping at the thought that Raskolnikov's punishment might be death. I very nearly prayed for Razumikhin and Dunya to marry. Nearly everything Sonya did pierced my heart, and her interactions with Raskolnikov melted my heart. I felt a deep and tender affection for one of the quotes, and to this day, it brings a special sort of peace to my mind. It truly almost made me cry.
I was so invested in this story, and I admitted early on that I'd developed an attachment to it. But it wasn't until I'd finished it and we started reading something else that I realized what a hole in my heart it had filled. I don't know why or how, but that book spoke to my soul. I'm even rereading it, and I've only done that once before with a school book.
Definitely my favorite book of the year, and my favorite book of my entire school experience.
Next was The Piano Lesson by August Wilson, which is actually a play. For this one, we were split into groups and had to choose a book to read. This was the one my group chose. It sounded intriguing, but even better, it was pretty short.
Basically, it's an African-American brother and sister arguing about whether or not they should sell their family piano: the brother claims that no one plays it, and it would be put to better use being sold so that he can have enough money to buy the land their family worked on as slaves while the sister adamantly refuses, saying that it's their family heritage.
And that's it.
None of us liked it. All four of us were bored and bothered by it before we were even halfway done. All of us hated Boy Willie with a burning passion, and we all had very mixed emotions about Berniece. Doaker was fine, Lyman was okay, and Avery was more or less likable. It was just so boring, and it was the exact same thing over and over again. I don't think Boy Willie and Berniece had a single conversation that wasn't about the piano.
Oh yeah, and then there's a ghost for some weird reason. Sutter, who used to own the land that Boy Willie's trying to buy, is haunting the house, and even though he's explicitly mentioned in the cue notes, literally no one ever notices him, except for maybe three times.
And then Boy Willie challenges him as if that's going to work out in his favor, Avery gives up trying to cleanse the house out of nowhere, and Berniece has a sudden flash of inspiration to play the piano to get the ghost to leave. It works, and then Boy Willie basically says, "You know what, you keep that piano, Berniece," and leaves. And that's literally the end of the play.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit.
Needless to say, this was number seven out of seven for this year's books, and it ranks down there with The Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye.
Next was Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, which was absolutely nothing like I was expecting it to be. I knew that Frankenstein was the scientist and not the monster, but I thought pop culture had gotten everything else mostly accurate.
Turns out, it's so different, it's like whoever created the pop culture monster just gathered a bunch of fragments and experimented with them until they made a whole new creature.
I crack myself up.
I know that I really shouldn't, because he's a bit of an idiot, but I actually rather liked Frankenstein. He made a lot of stupid decisions that I couldn't get behind, but as a person, there was just something that drew me to him.
I wanted to feel bad for the monster, but his logic was a little bit skewed sometimes, so I ended up being horrified more than sympathetic.
I can't tell you how surprised I was when the monster talked for the first time. He was so eloquent, it blew my mind. And when Frankenstein first brings him to life, I admit I found it a little funny that the triumphant "It's alive!" usually displayed in films was based on an extremely terrified "It's alive!" in the book.
Fam, that was literally your goal.
The imagery was stunning, and the diction throughout the whole novel was just astounding to read, especially considering how young Shelley was when she wrote it. It's truly incredible--number three out of seven.
The next one was Hamlet by none other than William Shakespeare, and it is by far my favorite of his.
Let me explain.
I've read one Shakespearean play every year since ninth grade: Romeo and Juliet in ninth grade, Macbeth in tenth, and The Tempest in eleventh.
Romeo and Juliet was fine. I didn't love it like some people do, but I also didn't despite it as many others do. Maybe it was just the way my teacher read it, but I found it amusingly ridiculous--I didn't think Shakespeare meant this to be a serious play at all (and to this day, I still kind of believe it). But, as romance tends to do, it wore me out quickly. I didn't really like Romeo, and although Juliet had some pleasant moments, she was obviously severely lacking in common sense. I loved Mercutio, but considering he only exists for about ten seconds, it wasn't enough to hold my heart. In short, it was sickeningly romantic, stress-inducing, and superfluous.
I actually really loved Macbeth. I thought it was so fascinating, and it was rather exciting to be reading something that's supposedly cursed (I know, I'm fully aware I'm sick and twisted). However, it's a very dark play, and even I have some boundaries. I loved it, and up until my senior year, it was my favorite Shakespeare play, but there's just something about it that, deep down, really unsettles me. And besides, Banquo died, which I was not happy about. I almost rioted.
And then The Tempest. If you want to know how I felt about that one, you can go back to last year's book analysis. However, I've made an astonishing discovery since then.
One of the school plays last year was The Tempest, and since it was being performed right around the time we were finishing it up, we were assigned to go see it. I went, and was a little confused. There were several important characters missing, which took out some key plot points. As a whole, the story was the same, but there were enough differences that I wondered why the director had taken so many creative liberties.
I didn't really think anything of it until around the time we were starting second semester of senior year, and I was trying to remember one of the character's names. It was driving me batty, so I looked it up. Nothing. This character apparently did not exist. So, I tried their love interest. Again, nothing.
Shocked, I looked up a plot summary of The Tempest, because I knew I had read about these people. To my bewilderment, the synopsis was basically exactly what the performance had been, and was rather different from the one I had read.
I did a little investigating, and then came to find out that I had not read The Tempest by William Shakespeare. Apparently, a couple guys had rewritten it and added in a few characters and plot points and such, and this had been the one I had unfortunately come upon. It was mostly Shakespeare, but they'd added their own things. My mind exploded.
So, Hamlet had romance, but didn't suffocate me with it; it was just dark enough to be delightful but not dark enough to disturb me; and it was actually Shakespeare. It was the perfect blend, and it stuck with me. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and I actually really liked discussing it as well. I even liked the main character, which hasn't happened in any Shakespeare (or off-brand Shakespeare) I've read.
This was by far my second favorite of the year.
Then, we picked another book as a group, and this time, we chose The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini.
It hurt.
To be totally honest, I didn't finish it. We read it during the point of the school year where I procrastinated like crazy, and I barely read half.
But what I did read messed with my emotions far too much for me to be happy about it.
It was everything I hate about a novel, and yet, my heart grew so attached to it in such a short amount of time. Even thinking about it now almost makes my chest constrict.
I don't know if it's because it's a contemporary novel or if the author's a black magician or something, but I should not have liked it as much as I did. I had a hard time with Amir most of the time, but for some reason, I can confidently say he's one of my favorite characters. Hassan won me over in less than a paragraph. Assef earned my eternal hatred in the same amount of time.
One day, I'm going to finish it. It may be fourth on the list, but man oh man...that book.
Finally, we read Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. If you've been paying attention, you'll recognize him as the author of that confounded Secret Sharer novel from junior year. Thankfully, he redeemed himself from that atrocity masquerading as literature.
It was so stinking difficult to get through, and I can't say that I understood very much of it. As I told my group, I tune out a bit when books get really descriptive. However, since the whole book is like that, I basically tuned out the entire thing, which presented a few problems, but minor issues.
And yet again, there was something within me--pretty deep within me, but still there--that felt a strange attachment to it. I can't even explain it, but there's something about it that I really rather liked. I couldn't tell you what it was, but I know that it's there.
That didn't keep it from sixth place, however.
So, as you can tell, this year's novels were much more successful than last year's, for the most part. Maybe I just had a better attitude, but part of me suspects that the curriculum for AP Literature is much more interesting and applicable than the one for AP English Language.
To sign off for today, I leave you with the quote from Crime and Punishment that nearly reduced me to tears.
"I know you don't believe it--but don't try to be too clever, either; surrender yourself directly to life, without circumspection; don't worry--it will carry you straight to the shore and put you on your feet. What shore? How should I know? I simply believe that you still have a lot of living to do yet...Be of great heart, and fear less. Are you afraid of the great discharge of duty that lies ahead of you? No, at the point you have reached, such fear is shameful. Since you have taken such a step, you must stand firm. You have reached the moment of justice. So discharge the duty that justice requires of you. I know you don't believe it, but I promise you, life will carry you through. You'll even get to like each other afterwards."
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
The End of an Era
I'd apologize for my six month absence, but there's no one to apologize to. So here we go.
I graduated from high school a little less than a week ago. I'm sure you're bracing yourself for a sob fest, but I can assure you, your fear is misplaced.
I realize that I've written several extremely emotional (on my part) blogs about how painful it was for me to leave junior high and how I fully expected graduation to have the same--if not worse--effect on me.
I am pleased--and surprised--to report that this is not the case. In fact, I've remained extremely neutral about the whole thing. I daresay I'm almost, almost, happy about it.
I cried at the Pass-the-Buck barbecue, which is basically the initiation of the new seminary council. I cried a lot. I used up the rest of a box of tissues, and then had to be brought another box. I did not expect to cry that much, but oh well, minor issues.
I cried even more at the final choir concert (which I didn't think was possible). Heck, I cried at the practice that morning while rehearsing the Madrigal exchange. I cried during almost every song, and then went home and cried.
I only cried at graduation when the Madrigals and concert choir sang.
And then that's it. I haven't cried since. I haven't even come remotely close. I don't know why, but I am at complete peace with the whole thing. Believe me, it has shocked me beyond shock, and I truly don't know what happened that caused me to change.
I think part of it is has to do with the challenge of leaving junior high. This past year has proven to me repeatedly that you can't grow inside an old shell, and I think it's finally clicked in my stubborn brain. Change is fine. Change is good. It's all right. As much as I want things to be the same, I've seen the benefits of moving forward.
I also partly blame the fact that I went straight from graduation to my summer job, so I haven't really had time to just sit around and mope like I did three years ago.
And maybe it's just because I've been through so much emotional exhaustion this past month that my brain literally can't process this new development because it's worn itself out.
Whatever the answer is, I've learned a valuable lesson that I'd like to share with you all.
You are meant to keep going. You'll never stop. And the more I think about it, why would you want to? We always talk about wanting to freeze time, but what good would that do? Do you really want to stay stuck in one moment, no matter how great that moment is? Part of the beauty of that moment is its lack of permanence.
I've learned so much this year, but I've especially learned a lot about life.
My AP Literature teacher taught me how to love hard things.
My AP Statistics teacher taught me to laugh in any situation.
My Madrigal and choir teacher taught me to find myself and put emotion into what I do.
My Spanish teacher taught me how to appreciate the world as a whole and to enjoy it.
My Italian teacher taught me that life can and will be fun amid the stress.
My seminary teacher taught me how to find joy in the little things.
Of course, I learned so much more than just these, but if I could sum up my senior year in six sentences, that's how I would describe it.
This year was hard. Boy, was it hard. I only really had assignments in two classes, but wow, did those assignments take a lot of time and effort. There were tons of late nights, and a whole lot of stress.
And yet, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this year was the absolute best year of my school experience...including junior high. Senior year left ninth grade in the dust (albeit a very fond dust).
So, I'm off to BYU-Idaho in September to study English, and I'm considering a minor in Spanish or linguistics or something. I definitely want to pursue Spanish, and I'm hoping I can continue with Italian. I just love learning languages. It has captured my heart and soul.
I'll try to be better at posting because, believe it or not, I love having a blog. I just sometimes forget about it.
And besides, it's not like there's anything terribly interesting to say. It's just my muddled thoughts attempting to clear themselves up. But gosh dang it, it is fun to do.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Goodnight."
I graduated from high school a little less than a week ago. I'm sure you're bracing yourself for a sob fest, but I can assure you, your fear is misplaced.
I realize that I've written several extremely emotional (on my part) blogs about how painful it was for me to leave junior high and how I fully expected graduation to have the same--if not worse--effect on me.
I am pleased--and surprised--to report that this is not the case. In fact, I've remained extremely neutral about the whole thing. I daresay I'm almost, almost, happy about it.
I cried at the Pass-the-Buck barbecue, which is basically the initiation of the new seminary council. I cried a lot. I used up the rest of a box of tissues, and then had to be brought another box. I did not expect to cry that much, but oh well, minor issues.
I cried even more at the final choir concert (which I didn't think was possible). Heck, I cried at the practice that morning while rehearsing the Madrigal exchange. I cried during almost every song, and then went home and cried.
I only cried at graduation when the Madrigals and concert choir sang.
And then that's it. I haven't cried since. I haven't even come remotely close. I don't know why, but I am at complete peace with the whole thing. Believe me, it has shocked me beyond shock, and I truly don't know what happened that caused me to change.
I think part of it is has to do with the challenge of leaving junior high. This past year has proven to me repeatedly that you can't grow inside an old shell, and I think it's finally clicked in my stubborn brain. Change is fine. Change is good. It's all right. As much as I want things to be the same, I've seen the benefits of moving forward.
I also partly blame the fact that I went straight from graduation to my summer job, so I haven't really had time to just sit around and mope like I did three years ago.
And maybe it's just because I've been through so much emotional exhaustion this past month that my brain literally can't process this new development because it's worn itself out.
Whatever the answer is, I've learned a valuable lesson that I'd like to share with you all.
You are meant to keep going. You'll never stop. And the more I think about it, why would you want to? We always talk about wanting to freeze time, but what good would that do? Do you really want to stay stuck in one moment, no matter how great that moment is? Part of the beauty of that moment is its lack of permanence.
I've learned so much this year, but I've especially learned a lot about life.
My AP Literature teacher taught me how to love hard things.
My AP Statistics teacher taught me to laugh in any situation.
My Madrigal and choir teacher taught me to find myself and put emotion into what I do.
My Spanish teacher taught me how to appreciate the world as a whole and to enjoy it.
My Italian teacher taught me that life can and will be fun amid the stress.
My seminary teacher taught me how to find joy in the little things.
Of course, I learned so much more than just these, but if I could sum up my senior year in six sentences, that's how I would describe it.
This year was hard. Boy, was it hard. I only really had assignments in two classes, but wow, did those assignments take a lot of time and effort. There were tons of late nights, and a whole lot of stress.
And yet, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this year was the absolute best year of my school experience...including junior high. Senior year left ninth grade in the dust (albeit a very fond dust).
So, I'm off to BYU-Idaho in September to study English, and I'm considering a minor in Spanish or linguistics or something. I definitely want to pursue Spanish, and I'm hoping I can continue with Italian. I just love learning languages. It has captured my heart and soul.
I'll try to be better at posting because, believe it or not, I love having a blog. I just sometimes forget about it.
And besides, it's not like there's anything terribly interesting to say. It's just my muddled thoughts attempting to clear themselves up. But gosh dang it, it is fun to do.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Goodnight."
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