I just had a really weird experience.
I was just sitting here. It was probably a little after 9:30. There was a pen and a piece of paper I'd been using earlier (for nothing important), and for some reason, I wanted to write down all my schedules since seventh grade. If you know me, you know that that's the sort of thing I like to do.
So I did. I wrote down the class name and the teacher. And as I was doing it, I almost felt like I could see myself growing and developing and learning. It just felt weird. The song I've kept on loop probably didn't help ("Light in the Hallway" by Pentatonix).
Five years ago. I started seventh grade five years ago. That feels so impossible. I just can't believe how much has changed since then.
I'm more confident in myself--but at the same time, also a little less. I mean, five years ago, if you had told me I'd try out for Madrigals my junior year, I would have laughed...and probably cried because of unnecessary stress. Simultaneously, five years ago, I was totally fine trying out for a solo--in fact, I daresay I almost liked it. Now-a-days? Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. {sobs heavily}
Five years ago, I rarely ever answered questions in class. Now, I'm a lot better with it in most of my classes (emphasis on most).
English has never really been the same for me after leaving Bennion. I still love it, but it's just different.
Man, five years ago, I was playing the flute in cadet band. I was learning the very basics of cooking, sewing, woodshop, technology, and business in CTE. I was beginning science, English, and math, and I was in Utah studies. I was in reading and writing. I started choir. I wanted to die in P.E. I breezed through keyboarding.
And then four years ago, I continued learning about cooking and sewing and even some child development and stuff in FACS. I better befriended Bailey (try saying that five times fast) in math. I discovered the absolute worst class I would ever take in U.S. history. I continued with choir and strengthened my friendships with Alida and Payton. I learned of my dislike yet morbid interest in health class. I continued to want to die in P.E. I found a new sort of sanctuary in English. I found a weird source of comfort from science (it's a little less than glamorous, so I won't share--nothing too strange). I learned of my love for all things secretarial while as an office assistant in the counseling center. I still continued to dislike art, but learned that I absolutely love scratch art from my first (and only) art class. I discovered that I actually don't want to be in acting and such when I took theatre.
Three years ago, then...oh man. Arguably the best nine months of my life. I started knocking off credits with computer tech. I took my first AP class (human geography). I continued to hate math. I had my first year of seminary and loved every bit of it. I took (and totally rocked, I think) food and nutrition. I took my second year of mixed chorus and loved it. I loved English even more than I did in eighth grade. I took my first high school science class (biology). I actually didn't want to die in P.E. this time around (I still thought I was going to, but I didn't want to). I continued unknowingly preparing myself for my future job by being an office assistant in the counseling center again. I grew so close to my friends and some of my teachers, and I just had fun. If I had the chance to go back and do it all over again, I'd take it in a heartbeat.
Two years ago sucked. Most of tenth grade majorly sucked. I went back to wanting to die in Fitness for Life...and AP World History...and math... Chemistry wasn't my favorite, but I made a friend I definitely never expected to make. Seminary was utterly and completely my lifeline for a while. I honestly don't know if I would've made it through okay without seminary (I don't mean that I would've done anything drastic, but I don't think I would've made it through as well as I did). English took a long time to get used to--a long time. So did choir. Spanish wasn't necessarily a "lifeline," but it definitely kept a smile on my face. Taking health again reminded me of why I'm grateful for my standards and beliefs, that's for dang sure. I grew close to a couple teachers--one that I never would have expected to grow close to.
One year ago seems like ages. Was I really taking food and nutrition, AP U.S. history, my last year of standard math, AP English, physics, and social dance, only a year ago? Was I really falling even more in love with Spanish only a year ago? Was I really unsettled by the fact that seminary didn't need to be my lifesaver anymore only a year ago? Was I really starting concert choir and questioning whether or not I should have tried out for Graces only a year ago?
Did I really start this blog a year ago?
Now, I'm taking AP Literature, AP Statistics, Madrigals, Spanish 4 (I got to skip Spanish 3, but that's a whole other story), Italian 1 (taught by my Spanish 1 & 2 teacher), Concert Choir, Drivers Ed (puke), and Seminary. I'm on seminary council. My sister has started high school. I love it and hate it all at once, but...I think that the love side is going to win.
"So count your blessings every day. It makes the monsters go away. And everything will be okay.
"You are not alone. You are right at home. Goodnight."
And I think that's going to be my new sign off. Cool? Cool.
